Most people who have led addicted lives also seem have an addiction to control everything and everyone around them.
We do this because of a deep fear of life because of things that have happened to us while we are young. If you have ever
been abandoned, abused, neglected, or experienced any kind of traumatic event that made you feel like your life was out of
control with no protection, then you may possibly become a control addict as an adult. When you face a threat as a child even
if it is just a parent's divorce, it can make you feel unsafe and unprotected so you make a vow in your little heart that
goes something like this "When I am older, I will never let anyone else be in control of my life; I will stay in control".
Because of this, as adults we become control freaks and create really stressful environments for those that have to live with
us. We control to protect ourselves because we fear being harmed again.
Here are some symptoms of people with a control addiction:
1. You are the one who cleans and cooks everything in your house because order is safety and you must be in control
of making sure that your needs are always met.
2. You serve others in order to make them dependent upon you so that you can be in control of what they do, and
thus be in control of them. You serve in order to control.
3. You ask people what their plans are so that you can head them off at the pass and manipulate things to where
your desires and safety are assured first and never denied.
4. You hoard and hide things in order to make sure that you are never without and you keep a close watch over who
uses what in your home so that you are never deprived.
5. You must be the one to be in control of a conversation and any pauses are quickly filled in with something you
say. You may also cut people off, or be abusive to control.
6. You have a need to feel in control of, or you feel threatened by the control an authority figure has over you.
This can cause serious problems with leaders in life.
7. You are critical and condemning toward people and oversensitive when you are criticized. Seeing people's flaws
becomes a weapon to defend yourself and control.
8. Being too controlling with things that are more difficult to control like pets or small children where they
are constantly being unfairly trained to accommodate your will.
9. You may become violent or abusive if someone defies your control, or you may just reject or ignore them. Either
way the primary goal is to dominate in order to control.
10. You are the one that has to be in control of all the money that comes into the house and many times controllers
hide money or keep a secret stash just in case.
These are just some of the things that people do that are controlling but you must remember that all control is
based on a fear of life because of some past traumatic event. People that are controlling usually end up alone or divorced
because nobody wants to live with someone who is never happy with them and who always makes their home feel like a prison.
Our families need a loving leader, not a tyrant. All people were created with certain spiritual human rights and when we deny
them natural expression and the ability to say no to us without punishing them, it tends to make them want to go somewhere
else. If you have an addiction to control just ask God to help you with it and He will. He will begin showing you how the
problem got there, when you are doing it, and how to change and to stop unfairly controlling others. In time you will get
better and better at it and the roots that drive your fear and need for control will be healed.
Here is a prayer to pray if you need it:
"Dear God, you have seen the problem that I have with trying to control everything and everyone around me and I
ask that you would help me to change. I have not trusted you to be in control of my life so I have made myself my own God
in your place to feel in control. Please forgive me for walking in fear and for trying to control things that only you alone
are supposed to be in control of, and help me to not do it anymore. Thank you God for forgiving me and for helping me to overcome
this terrible problem. I know that you will help me to change Lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen".
Here are some scriptures to help you:
LK 8:22 One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a
boat and set out. 23 As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and
they were in great danger. 24 The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and
rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. 25 "Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples.
In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him."
(Trust God when things get out of your control)
LK 12:4 "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5 But
I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes,
I tell you, fear him. 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7 Indeed, the
very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (You don't have to fear
what people can or cannot do to you)
LK 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and
you will be forgiven.
MT 6:1 So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' 32 For
the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and
his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow
will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
PR 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge
him, and he will make your paths straight.