Approval addiction is the extreme need to have everyone approve of what you say, think, or do. It can color every area of your life to such an extent that you live in great fear of disapproval from people, and you are willing to do just about anything to avoid it. You may codependently over-serve others, or be over-responsible for things that are really other peoples rightful responsibility, just to avoid their rejection or disapproval no matter what. You may be willing to lie, give what you should not, or even sell out a friend or confidant just to gain someone’s approval and avoid their rejection, especially an authority figures approval because they are symbolic of our approval-withholding parent. This is dysfunctional, unnatural, and very unhealthy for your life and walk with God and man, because when you are an approval addict you give man what you should not, and you deny God and yourself what if rightfully His and yours. Plus it blocks your ability to enjoy life naturally, and feeds the need for addictions. Approval addicts live in a prison of constant effort and striving to be liked and approved of by everyone, and they will go to any length to avoid rejection or disapproval because of their deep fear and insecurity problem. An approval addict is never happy because they are not free to be themselves, they are trapped inside a mold of having to be a chameleon to be what they think everyone else around them wants them to be. This is not how God created us to be, nor to live, we are all individuals that have the right to our own opinions and personal preferences that can be completely independent of what someone else's are.

So how does this whole approval addiction thing start? Well, it usually starts with a disapproving, controlling, and critical parent(s) that are constantly telling their kids that they are missing the mark somehow, and that nothing is ever good enough for them. If the child gets a B on their report card the parent asks why it wasn't an A, or if the child comes in second in sports they ask why they didn't come in first. They also withhold affection and reward from the child unless that child somehow makes them look good in some way, and they use the child for their own personal trophy to show off to others how great they are. The child may be constantly compared to their overachieving siblings, and be told "Why can't you be more like your sister or brother?" so the child ends up growing up feeling evil and unworthful because nothing they ever do ever seems good enough for the parent. In all fairness, the controlling parent likely had controlling parents themselves, that's how they became controlling in the first place, they learned it.

As adults, many approval addicts marry someone who is just as disapproving and critical as their parent was, and they start the whole people pleasing routine all over again with their new spouse just taking the place of the controlling parent. They try to somehow resolve what was not resolved with their disapproving parent, with their new spouse, only to end up with the same disappointing results because perfectionism is a myth. There will always be someone who doesn't like how you do something because everyone is different. You can never be everything to everyone, nor should we try to be. We must learn to be ourselves, complete with our own individual thoughts, emotions, tastes, talents, flaws, gifts, and preferences. God created you to be unique, and to express His uniqueness through your individuality. God approves of you completely and does not expect you to be perfect, He only expects you to allow Him to change you as He sees fit according to His word, and specific will for you life. You will only be happy when you can learn to be yourself, and stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks about you. Fearful approval addicts are control freak magnets, and controllers can spot them a mile away. Controllers love approval addicts because they can make fearful little slaves out of them for there own selfish purposes and worship. Only God deserves our worship and reverence, and frankly, He is the only one qualified enough to direct our lives to such a degree.

The first thing you have to do to get over approval addiction is to allow the Lord to strip you of all your ability to be everything for everyone. "Blessed is the man or woman that is of no reputation or means to please everyone, because then you have nothing left to protect or lose, and you can stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, and start living your life for who God created you to be". When you learn to be yourself and not care so much about what others think, then you will finally see who you really are and accept yourself for the first time in your life. Accepting yourself is key to everything else that flows from your life. If you don't accept yourself then you will never feel free to be yourself, you will always think that you have to be someone else for everyone else. God made you unique, and He doesn't need two of the same person. He made us all different on purpose. You have a unique genetic code, unique fingerprints, and a unique set of gifts and talents that are to be expressed by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit specifically through you as He chooses. When you try to be like someone else, you cheat the world and yourself out of God's unique expression through you.

The first thing you have to do is decide that you have the right to be who God created you to be, and that nobody but God has the right to tell you who you should be. Secondly, if possible, try to get away from the influence of the controllers in your life. The best way to determine whether or not you are being controlled, is to just say no to someone and see how they react, if they get mad at a choice you make that is really just a matter of personal preference, then that is control. You must let go of the lie that the controller has had you believe that you must allow them to make all your decisions for you. Let them grow up and be responsible for themselves. You must stop serving and giving just to avoid other people’s anger, disapproval, or rejection. You have to let people get mad and be responsible for themselves. Slavery was abolished, so stop running yourself into the ground just to be liked. Be brave and break out of the mold they have tried to put you in. Allow yourself to have boundaries in you life as far as allowing the Holy Spirit to direct your life, rather than a human. Especially in the areas of personal preferences, where you will live, what kind of job you want to do, where you will work, who you will marry, and who calls the shots in your life as an adult with your marriage and your children. The Holy Spirit and God's word alone should have supreme authority to make these kinds of decisions in your life.

Be willing to say "no" to someone if they are crossing a boundary, and be willing to allow them to get mad and to reject you if they are being controlling and overbearing. Real friends will allow God to be God in your life, and they will not try to control you unfairly. If you lose the controller as a friend what have you really lost? You must surround yourself with supportive, loving people in your life, and be willing to let the devil find someone else to harass like that. Jesus kept boundaries with certain people because He knew that their intentions were selfish or satanic in nature, and not from God. Be willing to stand on your own two feet with God at the helm of your life and if you lose the controllers support in the process, then so be it. If there are a bunch of strings attached to what someone is giving you, then it is not worth what they are giving in the first place. God approves of you, and God will provide for you, no man or woman can take what God has given you away from you, unless you fearfully give it to them. Understand that everything that happens in your life must go through God first, so what can man give or take from you anyway?

Lastly, understand that God loves you "as is", and that you are a work in progress, you cannot change yourself by yourself, nor does God want you to try to. He wants to change you so that He gets all the glory for it, and so that you don't get a big head over it when you do change. We are all being shaped into the image of Jesus Christ, not into the image of Bob, Marge, Dad, Mom, or your siblings. Let God be the One that is in charge of changing you, and allow His voice to speak through others, if it is constructive criticism. Accept yourself and know that God loves and approves of you absolutely and completely already, there is nothing you can give God that He desires anyway except your love, obedience, faith, trust, and daily cooperation. Get to know the real you for the first time in your life, and learn to like the unique you that God has created. Allow the chips to fall where they may, and take your rightful place in life. You will learn to detach from everyone around you for once, and to just enjoy and express yourself naturally. You deserve to be who God has created you to be, so enjoy it and be happy!

Here is a prayer to pray if you need it.

"Dear God, I just repent of my fear of man, and for not honoring your leadership in my life above all others. Lord I ask that you would help me to finally accept myself for who you created me to be, and to allow you to bring out the uniqueness and individuality you created for me to express in my life. I also ask Lord, that you would help me to detach from all ungodly control in my life, and to stop being such a people-pleaser. Help me from now on Lord to be a "God-pleaser" and to allow myself to only do for others what you would have me to do for them. Forgive me for making an idol out of what other people think of me. I thank you this day Lord for setting me free from my fear of man, and my constant need for everyone’s approval, and I give you first place in this area of my life from now on. In Jesus name I pray, amen."

Some scriptures to help you.