You will find with addiction that most of the motivation behind practicing it will boil down to a need for control and protection in your life due to fear. Your fear may be being caused because of unhealed past emotional trauma and pain, but a chemical imbalance can also create a constant state of anxiety in a human where you live in a continuous fight or flight condition. When you live in fear, the whole world becomes a potential threat to you where you will automatically seek protection in one form or another. We turn to addiction, we isolate, and we become control-freak perfectionists, all in an attempt to protect ourselves because we have believed a lie that we are defenseless and threatened in life, so now we must be in control of everything in order to feel safe. This kind of life causes us to run ourselves into overload because we are constantly trying to do everything for everyone in order to feel secure and self-protected. Trust that God will in fact protect you in life and literally everything that happens in your life must go through God first. There is some pain in life that must come because people choose to sin and because we need some pain to grow and steer us toward God. Addictions never protect us, they actually just create trouble that brings on threats. You are God's precious child and He even knows the exact number of hairs that are on your head. Let God be in full control of your life and allow Him to protect you if you really need it. It's time to surrender and let God be what you need.