During our addiction, we usually cause alot of damage to our families, so I want to address this issue and also how we can help to repair some of this damage. These people that love us have been through alot, and it can be easy for us to not fully appreciate this fact because we were anesthetized during most of our time of practicing our addiction, and they were not. These people have watched someone they love dearly, and depend upon, turn into a sneaky, greedy, selfish, dishonest, angry, abusive, irresponsible person in which they no longer trust and are afraid to get close to because they don't want to be hurt again. Trust is like a credit card, you build up credit through credible behavior, but we rack up a bill when we lie and do things we should not. Most of us have overspent that credit and grace in our relationships and we have become so overdrawn that both we and they are tempted to just declare bankruptcy and start over, apart. There is no judgment or guilt implied here, we simply must face the truth about our situation and see what can be done to begin to put things back together again.

There is usually a pattern of how are addiction has affected our family, I will briefly explain it;

1. We all start off as fairly normal people, and for whatever reasons we begin practicing an addiction in secret that starts off rather innocently, but then the need and dependency for the addiction grows. Our family loves us and notices we are a little different, but love sees the best in people. This is where denial and enablement in the non-addicted spouse begins to form.

2. Our personalities change more and more, and we become less and less available for our family emotionally, and we tend to become evasive, defensive, and angry when challenged by them. Your spouse may now begin to confront you about any absences at work, missing time, or missing finances, and we begin to lie and make excuses to alleviate their suspicions.

3. The strife and arguing in the home escalates and the children begin to reflect this stressful environment. Some family members may turn into themselves, some may escape the home through external activities, or some may just vent their anger on the non-addicted parent or their siblings. The problems being created by the addiction are getting to be too hard to hide.

4. The addiction is discovered straight out and there is no longer any more ability to lie or hide it. The non-addictive spouse begins to wonder whether it is safe to keep the children around the addict anymore, and the addict thinks that everyone is making too big of a deal out of it all. Usually work, church, and other relatives are informed of the addiction, but most already know.

5. An ultimatum is given to the addict to either get treatment or leave, and this could go either way. Most of the time, the addict needs the family for finances and emotional support, so they may opt for treatment. But if the addict is far from their bottom, they may just leave and try to escape all the hassle of having a family, because it is interfering with their addiction. This may sound insane, but when you are trapped in an addiction, you do many insane things.

6. Now divorce or completion of treatment usually ensues. If it ends in divorce, it will fuel the addicts need to self-medicate, but the family, although broken, now have a chance to begin to heal. They miss the addict, but they do not miss all the pain and trouble that the addicts behavior and addiction have caused them. If treatment is completed, the family is happy but still cautious because they want to make sure that the treatment works before they are willing to trust again. Remember, your "trust credit card" with them is sorely overdrawn, so try to be patient with them if they don't just hand you the keys to the kingdom back to you right away.

7. There may be many relapses after treatment which can be very hard on the family, but usually things will begin to either go one way or the other for good. The ex-addict spouse may be angry, irritable, defensive, resentful, and demanding their rightful place of authority in the home after years of irresponsibility and non-availability. Proper family counseling during this time may be critical to work through the mountain of offense and pain that has been created. You will all have to be very patient during this time, and just know that your family is worth it.

8. Time and good behavior begins to heal the wounds, and the addicts chemical imbalances begin to even out and they become more human again. The kids sense stability beginning to return, and they calm down a bit too. Through proper forgiveness and love, the addict returns to his sane state and gives his life and heart to helping his family to be restored and healed. The children may develop addictive behaviors, but the ex-addict spouse will do their best to help them through it. Many addictions are genetically inspired, so try to keep this in mind.

There is hope for your family if you have been ravaged by an addiction. I have seen the worst of addictions absolutely destroy a family, and yet still see that family restored. Even though all trust has been broken or lost, and even though all love seems non-existent, God loves to step in and show us that He can do what we cannot. If you are the non-addictive spouse, you must try to remember that there is a human somewhere in that insane addicts body that hates what they are doing and still loves and values you very much, they are just temporarily insane. If you are the ex-addict, then you must realize that your actions have caused deep serious emotional and spiritual wounds in your family, and it will take time to repair it all. You must all be patient and look to the Lord to help you to restore your family. Through proper counseling, love, family prayer and bible reading, family activities, and just plain affection and kindness, your family can be put back together again. Trust God to do what you cannot, and be willing to be willing.

Here is a prayer to pray if you need it;

"Lord, you have seen all the damage addiction has created in our family, and you see how utterly broken we all are right now because of it. God, I ask that you would step in and help us to be restored as a family. Help to make me willing Lord, to be willing to do whatever you want me to do to help repair all the damage that has been done to our family. Please help us to love and forgive again as a family, and to receive from you what we no longer feel in our hearts for eachother. I thank you God for hearing my prayer this day, and helping us all to put our family back together again. In Jesus name I pray, amen."

Here are some scriptures to help you;