When we are trapped in an addiction, it may start off as something that seems harmless and controllable, but addiction is always progressive, so what started off small can easily become very big problem in no time and you may end up way over your head and looking for some permanent way out. When your life goes down the drain in a spiral of destruction things can seem completely hopeless and futile and you can get so depressed that suicide starts looking pretty good. Some of us may kill ourselves accidentally through injury or overdose, but when things seem like there is no way out or back we can seriously consider just ending it all. I have even seen Christians give up when things got to be too much and take their lives. Sad but true.

When my addiction was taking me deeper and deeper into what I would describe as a living hell, I finally reached a point where I was going AWOL from the military because I was just too drunk to show up for duty. After I had been demoted several times, I was given a "VIP" tour of a nearby military prison and told that it would soon be my new home if I relapsed again and went AWOL even one more time. Well, you guessed it, I relapsed again and could not stop drinking so I was AWOL yet again and I felt that all was lost and that things had gone too far to ever face the consequences. I had a hunting rifle and for the first time in my life, I was actually going to end my life. My wife wisely hid the guns I think because God told her to. God did help me to face the music and I was spared prison, but without God's and my wifes help that week, I would have taken my life for sure. I never thought things would ever come to that but they did.

We all think we know what we would or would not do in life, but when certain circumstances come we are all actually capable of doing anything. It is only by the grace and help of God that we get through those no win scenarios, and for most of us God has saved our lives many more times than we know. Suicide may seem like a way out but it leaves behind a lifetime of pain for those that knew us and loved us. Plus when you leave your body you are still alive as a spirit and you will have to face God with what you did. Suicide is self-murder so you will be charged with murder when you face Him. It's just not worth the risk. I have read some accounts of people that did kill themselves, and a few of them were resuscitated and could remember what happened to them. The place they went to was a dark, evil place, not an empty nothingness.

When you are facing a destroyed life and possible unbearable consequences because of addiction do not give up and end it all. Think of your spiritual future and also the future of those you leave behind. If you really do go to hell for killing yourself, do you really want to take that chance with your eternity? Not me. Although I have been tempted to kill myself, I just don't want to take that chance and be wrong. Remember, even though what you may be facing right seems unfaceable, God can turn things around for you in time if your are willing to cry out to Him and trust Him. He has gotten people out of the worst jams than you can imagine. He has seen everything that has happened to you so far and He cares deeply about how this is hurting you. God stands ready to help you in your most helpless and hopeless state, so when you are tempted to end it all, pray to the Father that loves you more than you know. He will help you.

Here is a story of someone who ruined their life and could have chosen to end it all, but in the end found the right place to run instead.

^{LK 15:11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.}

LK 15:13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

LK 15:17 "When he came to his senses, he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.

LK 15:21 "The son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. '

LK 15:22 "But the father said to his servants, `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

LK 15:25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 `Your brother has come,' he replied, `and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

LK 15:28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, `Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

LK 15:31 " `My son,' the father said, `you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

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MK 9:43 If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out. 45 And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell. 47 And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell, 48 where " `their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.'