If you are the child of divorced parents, it can really create havoc with your self worth and sense of security while growing up. We can feel very rejected and unworthful as children after a divorce because we have it loaded into the hard drive of our hearts as children that both of our parents should be with us while growing up. When one or both of our parents walk out on us after a divorce, (especially if adultery or addiction caused the divorce), we can be left with feelings of great bitterness, anger, resentment, and depression. Divorced parents can also feed this bitterness by running down the other parent that left to the children. Our self image and idea of what marriage is supposed to be can then become extremely damaged and distorted.

If we take this old bitterness over our parents divorce into our adulthood and into our own marriage, we can poison our marriage and life because we never forgave our parents for the mistakes they made, and for apparently abandoning us. We can also project our bitterness onto our spouse and possibly ruin our marriage and drive off our mate, especially if your mate is the same gender as the parent you feel caused your parents divorce. Plus we may choose to deal with our childhood bitterness with addictions, which can also contribute to the failure of our marriage. When our mate leaves, it confirms the original lie that we have believed that we are unworthful and rejectable. All this pain can drive us into an even deeper spiral of addiction.

After a divorce, we may have strong feelings of guilt (especially if it was our actions that caused the divorce), anger, rage, resentment, and a mountain of bitterness. Plus we may miss our children immensely, if we are the parent that ends up separated from them. Unless you have been through a divorce, the pain you experience is almost indescribable, it is absolutely horrific to endure, because it is like ripping off limbs from your body, and then trying to live like that. This creates a mountain of pain that only addiction seems to relieve, but addiction actually amplifies, deepens, and continues your pain, so that you stay stuck in this storm of heartache that never lets up. Addiction always keeps us stuck in our pain, and left unhealed

The only One who can heal the great tower of pain created by divorce is God. He will speak truth into your heart that will help you to forgive and to move on with your life. He will show you that your parents divorce was not your fault at all, and that all kids have problems that never warrant a parent to leave. He will show you that the parent that failed or left loves you and that it was just a choice they made, and it was not meant as a personal rejection. Our parents have problems that they got from their parents, and they were damaged too. He will show you that if you failed in your marriage as an adult, that you can be forgiven, and that you must forgive them and yourself to let the heartache go. You are a product of your parents example and you did your best to make it work. Plus, you probably married someone just as damaged as you were, and that reflected the unresolved issues that you still have with your opposite sex parent.

Just trying to treat your pain with addiction will just keep the pain going. God has heard every cry you have ever cried, and seen every tear you have shed after the divorces you have experienced, and He wants to heal you from all the damage those divorces have caused. God has new life for you after divorce, He has healing, and He even as a new mate for you, if you will allow Him to heal you to make you healthy enough for one. All relationships have problems on both sides, so even if it was your mate that seemed to have failed in your marriage, just ask God to show you what needs to be fixed in you. Otherwise, you will just drag your old anger and problems into a new relationship, and possibly end up divorced again. Healing and growth come when you stop deadening your feelings and pain with addiction. "You must feel to heal". Allow the Lord to come in and start healing the wounds you have sustained from divorce today.

Here is a prayer to pray if you need it;

"Dear God, you have seen all the pain and damage that has been created in my life by divorce. I ask God that you would help me to forgive my parents, my ex-spouse(s), and especially myself for the divorces I have experienced in my life. I also ask Lord that you would fix whatever needs to be fixed in me to become a healthy spouse for either my current spouse, or the new spouse you wish to send me. I give you full permission God to come in and change and heal me in every way that I need to be changed and healed. Please forgive me Jesus, for trusting in my addiction, rather than in you to deal with my pain caused by divorce. Thank you for helping me God to forgive everyone involved in the divorces I have experienced, and especially myself, and for helping me to be healed from all this terrible pain that I have been trying to treat with addiction. Thank you for forgiving me today Lord, and for helping me to deal with my old unhealed pain, rather than trying to deaden it with addiction. In Jesus name I pray, amen".

Some scriptures to help you;

^{PS 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.}

PS 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.