((Romans 12:1) Therefore, I urge you, brother, in view of God’s mercy; To offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual worship.) Much of our lives can be a battle of the wills between us and God, and us and other people. We get this idea that it's "us against the world", and go into a defensive posture in order to protect ourselves from other peoples unhealthy abuse, or selfish control. Especially if you have had controlling parents, you may have decided that placing your life under an authority figures control and power can be very dangerous. Plus we wonder where God was when these people were hurting us as children. We make a vow in our young hearts to never let anyone else be in control of us like that again. We tend to transfer a lot of what we experienced with our parents onto our relationship with God. If someone has had a really controlling, critical, disapproving father as a child, then they will likely relate to God in that same way, and think that God is always mad at them, never pleased with them, and looking for some new reason to punish them. This can cause a person to distrust God in their recovery and to always keep a bit of control, just in case.

In order for us to turn our lives and will over to God, we will have to get to know Him for who He really is, and not who we think He is. I remember when I first started to really listen to hear the voice of God as I prayed, and as I began to hear Him. He said things like "I love you, I am proud of you, I will help you, do not be afraid". This was a total shock to me because I thought God was always mad at me for failing like my earthly Dad was. In time, I got to know God better and see that He really is an extremely loving and supportive person to all who will allow Him to be part of their lives. Just like the kids you created, you love them despite their faults and shortcomings, well God created every human, and He loves us all many times more than we could love our kids. God has nothing but love in His heart for you, and like the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15, He is just waiting with open arms to receive you back.

So what does turning your will and life over to God really mean? Well, it means that you can no longer call the shots concerning your recovery and the crazy life you live that fuels and supports your addiction. It means that you will have to learn to trust in God completely and know that He will never do anything bad to you, ever. He is not capable of it. Everything He will do to help you will always be for your good, even though it may hurt sometimes. You have had to do things in your kids' lives to help them that also hurt them, but you did it to save them from themselves and to show them a better way to live. Much of the pain we experience in recovery is all based on a false fear of being harmed, and not being able to protect ourselves because we don't have our addiction (pain shield) there anymore. So now that the trust issue is resolved, you must be willing to let God take over with your life management. That means where you live, where you work, your marriage, your children, your family, your money, your health, your habits, your friends, and most of all, your addictions. We must stop wrestling with God for the steering wheel of the car representing our life, or trying to give Him directions from the back seat when we are approaching a scary spot in the road, and all the old fear buttons are getting pushed.

When you surrender your will completely to God, this step of letting Him direct your life then becomes much easier. But if you are fighting Him, this will feel almost impossible to do because all of your old fear and panic buttons will get pushed. Like "If I give God control, He will take all of my pleasure and protection away and I will be left unhappy, bored, and without any defense from pain". Satan loves to accuse God of child abuse, but this simply just isn't true. You can trust God 100%. It is critical to understand that God can do a much better job of directing your life than you can because His love for you is perfect, and every decision He makes concerning your life will also be just as perfect. He has seen your future, so He knows how every choice in your life will affect you and those around you. He can then pick the best choice for you, and lead you forward to that choice. "Does God really care about the little details of my life? I thought God just watched over the big things, and more important people". God loves you just as much as everyone else (really), even with all your problems, and it sais in the bible that He even has every hair on your head counted. We think very linear because we live in a linear world, but God can be everywhere at all times. God can help people in a huge natural disaster, and also sit with you while you eat your dinner. God is not limited by our limited mindset.

I realize you may think you have kept your life together by using your addiction, and that it has helped you to get through a lot of stress. But when your brain becomes poisoned by a substance, it actually gets less capable of working to rationally defend yourself, so it really just does the opposite. All addictions promise one thing, but usually end up giving you the opposite. Plus your addiction cannot really defend you; it can't stop someone from hitting you, or shouting at you, it can only numb your reaction to what happens. Also, when using an addiction, you stay stuck emotionally at the age you started using, so it just kind of plugs up your emotional plumbing and stunts your emotional growth, which causes your old emotional pain to just keep building up year after year. When you get off an addiction, the blockage is gone and you can then begin working through your old emotional pain, and old unhealed emotional issues. I want to encourage you today to trust God completely, and to let Him have full control of every area of your life to help you. God knows the exact best way to help you to recover, so trust Him today to do just that.

Here is a prayer to pray if you need it.

"Dear God, I ask your forgiveness for rebelling against your leadership over my life. The decisions and choices that I have made in my life have created a lot of pain and damage, and I want to have a better life now. Lord, I unconditionally surrender my will and life over to you right this second. I ask God, that you would come in and help me to manage my life from now on. I commit my heart, actions, and thoughts, to doing only what you tell me is right for me from now on. I thank you for hearing and helping me this day Father. In Jesus name I pray, amen".