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The Gift of Tolerance
AL 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit
is love, joy, peace, patience (or tolerance), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.
Against such things there is no law.
We as recovering people tend to be very intolerant, impatient, and controlling because
we have been traumatized as children, live in fear as adults, and we have believed a lie that we alone can protect ourselves.
So we do everything we can to control everything and everyone around us all in an attempt to feel safe and secure.
This problem gets even worse when we quit our addictions because we feel we are even more defenseless, so we in turn become
more defensive, oversensitive, and we overreact to anything that we cannot directly control.
JOB 3:25 What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.
What most people describe as a dry drunk is actually just someone with a major fear
problem trying to control their world. But much of the time we actually create the very threat we fear by trying to control
everything. We start arguments, we place unfair demands upon people, and we create a nervous enrironment, which just generates
lots of trouble. Most of our fears are all in our head as adults, but as children we have to face threats without
the ability to escape or defend ourselves, so these old fears remain very powerful in our thinking.
Things like sights, smells, sounds, privacy, people, food, and many other aspects
of our lives are tolerated only if we feel we can control them, but what happens when these things escape our control
and do things that we do not want, or feel threatened by? We go into our survival mode and counterattack in order to feel
a sense of protection and control again. We become very intolerant of anything or anyone that we cannot control. But
only God can truly control things, so we are really just fooling ourselves if we think that we can stay in control.
LK 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will
not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Being intolerant and trying to control things is really just a form of judging. God
wants us to learn to be more tolerant because He knows that it is not only unhealthy for others, but it's really unhealthy
for us because the stress of it drives us to a relapse. So what God will do is start to make us face our fears by taking
away our ability to control things and protect ourselves which is exactly what we need. It kills the power
of the lie and fear and it drives us to God's control and protection. In time we learn that we can trust God
for all that we need.
MT 7:12 So in everything, do
to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
When we can tolerate and not attempt to control that sight, sound, smell, or person, we
are then set free from the stress of needing to manage it. That loud stereo, stinky smell, or mess and disorder of someone
else becomes something that we can detach from and not need to feel threatened by anymore. You will see
that most of life manages itself, and that you can solve most of your problems just through simple communication. Walking
in truth, obedience, and love, is mostly all the protection we need. Let everything else control itself.
RO 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches
of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?
When we allow God to help us to stop controlling things, then things can no longer
control us, and we avoid the normal overload that drives us to a relapse. As God shows us how He tolerates us and is kind
to us when we deserve judgment we can learn to treat other people the same way. Allow God to help you to face your fears,
to stop controlling, and to become more tolerant, patient, and accepting of others and your environment. The one who benefits
the most from this is you because you then become free of fear, and can live in more peace.
JAS 5:8 You too, be patient and stand firm,
because the Lord's coming is near. 9 Don't grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge
is standing at the door!
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